This month I have had several opportunities to talk with other ranch wives, and interestingly enough, the topic of loneliness has been at the heart of many of those conversations. I've mentioned before that our family lives an isolated type of life. Some of that is our own fault due to conscience decisions we've made to separate ourselves from mainstream culture. Some of it is cultural. People here seem to be born with an independent, self-sufficient spirit. However, a lot of that isolation is due to our geographical location. That is a factor that I share with many other ranch wives in my area.
When you are geographically isolated from others, a feeling of loneliness can set in. It affects the new bride who is trying to understand ranching and envious of the time her husband spends with the animals, the homeschool mom looking for an "adult" conversation and worried about friendships for her children, the working ranch wife who is so busy with school sports, her job, and committees that she doesn't have any deep meaningful relationships, the empty nester trying to find meaning apart from raising children, and even the senior grandma who may go weeks between a visit or phone call from her grandchildren. Ranching men are not exempt from loneliness and isolation either!
A hundred years ago, this area was dotted with numerous small farms and ranches. Neighbors helped harvest crops, build barns, and deliver each other's babies. Those days are long gone. 30 years ago you could draw a 10 mile radius from our ranch and find 25-30 kids living on farms. Now, you find about 5 kids in that same radius. The high price of land and rent coupled with low commodity prices on crops and cattle have led to larger farms and ranches and absentee land owners. The average age of farmers and ranchers has increased dramatically. All this adds to the sense of isolation and loneliness.
Early on in my marriage, I realized that it was a rarity to have a good friend that lived close enough to visit with even once a month. Thankfully, I had a mother-in-law that really stepped up to become my "surrogate" mom and friend. After her death, I went through a period of tremendous loneliness. However, after a time, I began to realize two things: 1) Friendships can be deep and meaningful even if distance is an issue. I feel blessed that I am able to keep up friendships from hundreds and even thousands of miles away due to e-mail, phone calls, letters, and FaceBook. 2) Friendships can be built on commonalities, even small ones. I have friends that I share almost nothing with except a commitment to homeschooling, or ranching, or rodeo, or gardening; and those small commonalities are enough.
This year my family has made a commitment to reaching out to others in the throws of hard, lonely ranch life. You see, even though neighborhood get-togethers seem to happen less frequently, the sense of community still runs deep in rural America. This month an elderly neighbor passed away, and the community showed up with food, prayers, and kind words for her family. This month women (and a few men) of all ages gathered at a young ranch family's house for a "lefse" making day. It takes effort, and hospitality, and intention to build community, but we believe that God calls us to be a good neighbor, and that's worth the effort!